GIve it UP

so it's tuesday and it's already 10:30. this whole daylight savings really screws up my naptimes and whole sleep schedule in general. i mean i still do take naps during the day...but i cant take long naps now..because the time goes by so fast. i hate it. haha

as time goes by, i begin to realize that i have to figure out what i want to do with my life. i always tell myself that i'm going to do this in the future..but never consider going that way. so here i am back to where i started....going nowhere. in my Kinesiology class...we talk about how to check your grad credits and how to maintain your GPA to graduate and all..and it gets me thinking..when will i graduate? where will i be after i graduate? will i go into Kinesiology or will i go into music? if you don't know me. i'm the type of person to really think about things alot..deeply. even though it's a topic where you don't have to think deeply, but i still do. it's hard for me not to.

like for example: yesterday which was MONDAY. i was watching Dancing with the Stars and i actually voted this time via text message cuz the phone lines were busy, but i VOTED FOR THE WRONG PERSON...so all my 13 votes went to some random pair that i dont even know..so i used my brother's phone to text for the RIGHT person...and after i thought to myself..do they charge extra if it's like a tv show voting...and sometimes they do charge extra..some shows charge like $1 per text..so that got me paranoid..and i couldn't call because it was late at night..so the whole night i was worried that the bill was gonna be more than it's supposed to be. Even after when i read on the website that texting for the votes dont cost more than when texting a friend..it still got me worried that i was gonna be charged extra..see those little things get me worried and it's hard for me to sleep at night..i know it may seem to stupid..cuz i think it is..but i have many other examples..i used this one cuz its the most recent thing that happened to me...

i am 20 and still in school..don't know how long i am going to be in school at the pace i am going at...and it worries me that i can't make my family proud. i am jobless...well technically i got offered a job..but i am still waiting for them to call me back...those slackers..haha just kidding..being the youngest...and a girl..it's hard to follow footsteps...i wish there was something i could do to make my family proud of me and happy. my mom asks me this question alot "so..do you have a boyfriend?" at times i wish i did...being surrounded by couples, at times i wish i did...haha

i have to learn to just give it all up to God and know that he is in control.

alot of times i base my weeks/days on music. like a certain song will be stuck in my head or a song that relates to how i am doing at that moment. so at this moment. the current song would be "You are in Control" a classic praise song. i gotta remember that no matter what i do or where i go, God is in Control.

-Susan